A drunk man stumbles into a confessional. The priest hears him come in, but then hears nothing, so he knocks on the wall.

"forget it, buddy..."d\says the drunk,"there's no paper in the one either."

 

Bill had been drinking all afternoon when he suddunly puked all over his shirt. "my wife is gonna kill me!" he said. The bartender said,"put in twenty dollar in your top pocket and tell your wife that a drunk threw up on u and gave u that money to get it cleaned." Bill agreed it was a good idea. When he got home, he told his wife the story and handed her the money."but there is forty dollars here."she said."....Yeah, he shit in my pants, too."

Why is ti so difficult for Mexico to recruit good Olympic team??

Becayse anyone who can swim, run, jump is now on the United States.

I learnd partly of west australia,Sarawak,Sabah,Thailand,Indonesia,Nepal,China, Malaysia and Taiwan culture. Well mostly it's about jungle, Ford, Live hunting, Black magic, tomb stone, haunted legendary, fishing and river bank to river bank. Why not jungle of rocks?? you mean shopping mall with tall big and exspensive Mega Mall??Hey let some one else do that kind of adventure. Man don get involed in that adventure cause u will go on your 1st pay day empty hand early in the morning and come out full handed wit pags on the afternoon. The worst thing is taking things for your love one...The deadliest time.... is... "honey how do i look with this and that". (a few man manage to survivec with this " beautiful").Wrong answer will bring u great disaster. So the best adventure is still the green alone or with friends. do some urban donation to the primitive mosquito and make them whole family happy. YEAH  

 

1) Did you hear about the gay guy who lost his job at the sperm bank??

"No how" asked another man...

He Was caught drinking on the job.

2)Why does a dog lick its arse??

Because it knows when u come back in few minutes time it'll be licking your face.

3) The indian brave asked his father why people of his tribe had such unsual names like brave bear, red bear, white fox, and thunder cloud.

"We indians name out children after first thing we see during conception.Why do u ask these questions....Broken Rubber?? 

REmembered my word about experience?? Well to make it more simple to u all:

Experience: The wonderful knowledge that enable you to recognize a mistake when you make it again .It's also the name we give our mistakes.

Budget : An attempt t0 live below your monthly earnings.  or A schedule for goin into debt systematically

A secret: It's something you only tell it to one person at a time

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another person's resemblance to ourselves

Adolescent: A teenager whom acts like a baby when u doesn’t treat them like an adult.

Hey u guys know what is life insurance?? It's a contract that keeps you poor so that you can die rich,

ok ok here's another joke: Why do American female paratroopers always wear tight underpants when on a mission??

                                      So their enemy will not hear them whistle on the way down

A clever girl: a girl that now how make a man do what she think of.

A clever man : where all his monthly earning straight debit into her wife account.( HEY GUY'S NO OFFENDS COURSE THIS JOKE MY FEMALEFRIENDS )

mY OWN DEFINITION: BE FAITHFUL TO YOUR OPPOSITE SEX, BUT  MAKE COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF ONLY

here is another one:

 

A bike rider got lost in some place and he is very hungry and thristy, after a few hour he found a rough looking cafe, but the motorist was so hungry and decided to give it a try. "what will you have?" barked the waitress, who looked like a wrestler.

biker: two hamburgers and a hot dog FAST he ordered. The waitres went to the fridge, got out two meat patties and stuck them under her ampits."why did u do that for?" asked the biker. "They're deep frozen and the mcrowaves's busted" she said "this is the only way i can thaw them out"

Biker:.....O.k but forget the hotdogs!!!! ha ha ha enjoy. have to go to site to get someone to blame on already. If u all still remember that i am from blaming department he heh e.

hey 1st of all, these jokes have nothing to do with any person in real life ok. Just some joke i read off.here goes:

 

A rich tourist had come to vatican in hope of seing the pope and was ecstatic when the pontiff came into the crowd near him and placed his hands on the shoulders of a shabbily dressed tramp. The rich tourist was amazed to see the pope do the same thing the following day so he approached the tramp and offered him $200 to swap clothes, to which the tramp's eagerly agreed. Next day, the rich tourist dressed in the ramp's smelly rags, the tourist was delighted to see the pope turn and approach him. The pope bent forward, placed both hands on his shoulders and whisperd, " how many time that i have to tell u don beg here. Now,PISS OFF!!!!"

On last year before chinese new year i take oath that i will quit smoking if i gt something that i wanted. I got it 3 months ago...but still smoking.punisherble by dead that's is by coma and cancer. I hope i will make my promise come true before it's too late. wthin this year i got alot of things to change. haven't really get one done yet.next year i must prepare myself for overseas job. A fit physical is required to survive that job. i havent do it too...man.. what have i bcome. ..... all my life it's draining away

 

have any of u guy has the same feeling or experience like mine?? here it goes....one day on my way to work,when i noticed my wallet running a bit low on cash, i decided to cash out some money from the auto teller machine, but when i took out my atm card... shit it was broken to 2 pieces...on the high way got money to pump petrol but no money to go through  toll terminal.....hang over in a petrol station....and the best thing about petrol satation is that u can fill ur gas with credit card but u can't use ur credit card to pay ur toll.... and i made a mistake by using cash for petrol and end up without money to pay for toll....Shame.....have to wait for my friends to come ad help me...some more the amount is rm7.10 cent..my friend bombared me heavyly....all the way just to lent me rm 7.10cent.... next time make sure that your atm is good in shape and u alway hide some money in your car...though they say don leave any money in your car.... but have to hide some money in the car.

 

P/S: actually i wanted to ask some pretty gals who stop by for some help.. but u know lah man dignity is all over my mind... u can't just approach them and say...please give me rm 7.10 please.....u may get sexual asault charges for that.DON ASK ME AND I DON KNOW HOW THE HELL WE CAN GET SEXUAL ASSAULT JUST TO ASK FOR HELP)Amen let as pray to god for free petrol.